Blue Christmas

Blue is my favorite color.

But I never thought that this would also describe my Christmas this 2010.

Unexplained sadness is what I am feeling after my trip in Vietnam. It's Christmas when I went back to the Philippines from Vietnam, and many might say that I should be happy since I will be back with my family, with my friends. But there is something, a great something, that Vietnam made me experienced that make me realize my value and a different me.

Top of the mind is its cold temperature of Hanoi. It has been my dream to get to a place wherein I can wear anything that I want. To wear the jackets, the thick shirts that I have been long stored inside my cabinet. The people were so fashionable, that one will find it difficult to identify a professional to an ordinary vendor. Perhaps, the coldness of the place is also a factor why most people seemed not hot-headed, even if its heavy traffic (a scenario that is very far from the Philippines).

The prices of the goods in Hanoi are also cheap compared to the Philippines. The place where I lived is strategic and it has many stores that sells numerous bags, shirts, jackets, souvenirs and many more. I even bought a North face bag whose price is 4 times lower than its price when bought in the Philippines. Not to mention are the tasty foods whose serving is almost double than the usual in the Philippines for a relatively low price. Perhaps, my only complaint is the absence of free drinking water in most restaurants.

But the most important gift that Vietnam gave me are headaches I had to endure with my Vietnamese, Malaysian and Taiwanese friends. But kidding aside, I will never ever forget the fun, the laughter and most importantly the friendship. I felt something different, something unexplainable with the kind of companionship that these people made me experienced. Something new that I've never had before with my friends in the Philippines. It seemed like they are the "barkada" that I wished for many years. With them, I feel I am free to express what I want without hesitation. They did not made me feel the bad sides of me. Perhaps, people might say that of course, you're with them for a short two weeks hence only the good sides are what you have seen. But nonetheless, still I would say that for that short two weeks I feel valuable and respected.

Among them is a person who I did not expect would mark in my life, the person whom I can consider my best friend (perhaps he knows who he is). I do not know but with this guy, I feel that I can trust him. Although he dos not speak too much, he always listen and shares opinions during conversation. He is a good companion and is very dependable and helpful. Although he seems boring, but with this guy, you would know that he is also... what is English term for "makulit", oh yes "makulit". He has a hidden humor, and that made him for me good in conversation. I feel really really sad that this had to be cut by the need to go back.

Isang Panibagong Pamamaalam

Malungkot pero kailangan.

Iyan ang aking naramdaman nang aking malaman na dapat ay isauli na lamang namin ang baging Kobi na dumating sa amin. Parang kailan lang nang mawala ang aming orihinal na alaga, pero ngayon kailangan na naman naming magpaalam.
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Si K0bi-liit, kung aming tawagin, ay sakitin na talaga nang bilhin siya nang aking kapatid sa Tiendesitas. Akala namin ay epekto lamang ito ng "change of environment". Pero nung nagsimula at nagtuloy na siya sa pagdumi nang may halong dugo ay isinugod namin siya sa Veterinarian. Doon napagpasiyahan na ibalik siya pansamantala sa may-ari.

Pagkalipas ng ilang linggo, ibinalik siya sa amin. Doon para kaming nabuhay muli. Ipinangakong aalagaan siyang tunay at hindi na mauulit ang nangyari noon. Pero panandalian lamang pala ang lahat nang yun. Tumuloy pa rin ang sakit niya. And worse, mukhang tumuloy na sa hika, pag-uubo at hirap sa paghinga. Doon muli na naman kaming sinubok. Binigyan siya ng gamot at vitamins upang lumakas pero parang walang saysay ang mga iyon. Hanggang dumating ang isang araw na nakitaan na siyang waring naninigas at puno ng plema ang bibig. At doon napasugod na naman si Kobi-liit sa Vet.

At doon napag-alaman namin na siya ay infected ng virus. Isang viral disease na maaari namang malunasan. Subalit nangangailangan ng dalawang linggong gamutan at siyempre gastos. Doon naisip-isip ko, yun lamang pala. Kaya pala mapagaling, huwag nating sukuan. Pero ayaw na nang aking mga magulang at kapatid. Nais na lamang nila na ibalik siya nang tuluyan sa may-ari at ibalik na rin ang perang napagbilhan sa amin.

Sa totoo lang, sa loob-loob ko ayokong sanang pumayag. Para sa akin kasi, ang hirap magpaalam. Napamahal na sa akin si Kobi-liit. Hindi naman siya parang isang pirated CD na kapag hindi gumana ay pwedeng ibalik. Naisip ko ano kaya ang mararamdaman niya. Siguro feeling niya, parang pinababayaan na namin siya. Malungkot ako na baka iniisip niya na parang iniwan namin siya sa isang bahay-ampunan.

Hindi ko nga maiwasang maluha sa kwento ng aking nanay noong aktong iiwan na niya si Kobi-liit sa petshop. Para daw siyang (Kobi-liit) lumuluha at nagtatampo, waring galit sa nakatakdang pang-iiwan sa kanya. Tila nakakadurog ng puso ang ganitong eksena.

Sa totoo lang, kung ako ang masusunod gusto kong kunin dun si Kobi-liit. Nais ko siyang alagaan ay hindi susukuan. Ang viral disease naman ay hindi 100% nakamamatay. Kailangan lang na palakasin ang immune system niya. Sana lang hindi agad sila sumuko.

Bilang pagwawakas, dalangin ko pa rin na sana bumalik pa rin sa amin si Kobi. Sana gumaling siya agad at sa huli ay kami pa rin ang makakuha sa kanya sa petshop. Malungkot isipin na may mga petshop na business lamang ang tingin sa mga benta nilang aso. Ipagbibili nila ang mga aso o pusa kahit may sakit, at hindi iisipin ang burden na dulot nito sa bagong may-ari. Mahirap ibalik ang asong napamahal na sa iyo, pero lugi ka rin naman kapag hindi mo ito ibinalik. At masakit din mabatid na may mga taong "ballpen" lang ang tingin nila sa hayop. Na parang napakadaling palitan ang isang alagang hayop.

Sa totoo lang, this event made me remember my old time wish of becoming a veterinarian. I am very much willing to save lives of dogs, cats etc. even without paying higher costs. Ayoko na kasi makakita ng isang among nililisang ng kanyang alaga. Masakit at sadyang napakahirap.

Isang Bagong Kobi

This day marks a new beginning. We have our new dog whose name is also Kobi. Our original chao chao Kobi died Tuesday night. And I really can not forget how mournful our family was that night. It seemed that we lost one of our kapamilya. Really Kobi was a part of the family, I must say.

With our new Kobi, we can start a new. This only means that a loss is not the end. We just have to continue living no matter how hard it may seem. We should not die together with the death of your loved one, because God will always be there and will never leave us. There is more after death, more blessings to come in our way.

To end this, I would say that we should live our life in a graceful major, major way for God.

Tula No. 11: O Kay ganda, Ekkay ganda

Written: FEB 25, 2008 1:45am
I wrote this poem for the birthday of my friend, Erika Fille Legara.
I planned to cross stitch the whole poem and give it to her as gift,
but I did not have time... but if she will insist then I will at some
other time. Sana lang magustuhan niya...

O Kay ganda, Ekkay ganda

Sa hardin higit kang kahali-halina

Ihambing man sa iyo’y bulaklak

Tiyak na sila’y yuyukod nang may buong galak.

O Kay Ganda, Ekkay ganda

Ang dating mo ay parang diyosa

Sa amo na yong mukha, lahat sila’y napatanga

Wari bang sa alindog mo daig pang nagayuma

O Kay Ganda, Ekkay ganda

Ikaw ay sadyang pinagpala

Higit sa kagandaha’t kabaitang iyong taglay

Ang talino’t pagmamahal na kaya mong ibigay

O Kay Ganda, Ekkay ganda

Sa dami nang sa iyo’y namamangha

Magagawa mo kaya na ako’y makita

Mabatid na ako’y isa ring tagahanga

O Kay Ganda, Ekkay ganda

Damdamin sa iyo, idadaan na lang sa tula

Pagkat lakas ng loob ako yata’y wala

Kaysa ibulong ko sa hangin, at maglahong parang bula.

Quotes 1

If your love told you that she can’t love you the way you want, will you insist on loving her, even from afar?

If so, then loving her in that way will make you feel glad, trying to mask the negativities of the real.

And if that will make you smile, even in the back of your mind and in the bottom your heart you are hurting and sad, then go on.

Than pretend that you'll completely forget the pain of losing her and move on.

Tula No. 10: O Bhazel

Originally written: FEB 13, 2008

I wrote this poem during the Physics 72 Second Long Exam.
Bhazel is a friend. During the time, I was writing this, she was
in the other room proctoring for her class.

O Bhazel na kay ganda, bakit ika’y kahali-halina

Sa tuwing ika’y nakikita, lahat ay nabibigla

Ang buhok mong kay haba na wari ba’ brotsa

Na ipinipinta ang mukha mong kaaya-aya

Ngunit bakit sa dami ng salitang aking banggitin

Di mo pinapansin, parang wa epek pa rin

Pakiusap ko lang naman na iyong sambitin

Na ako ay isang guwapo at tipong habulin.

Hindi mo lang alam na ako ri’y nasasaktan

At ako’y sayo ang tipong hilig ay katuwaan

Di ko lang naman nais sa yo’y ipaalam

‘Pagkat batid kong ika’y magdaramdam

Ngunit ganon pa man sayo akoy patuloy na hahanga

Kahit pa magmukha akong aanga-anga

Handang maghintay kahit pa sa wala

Basta huwag ka lang sa aki’y mawawala.

Tula No. 9: Umagang Kay Ganda

Originally written: February 13, 2008

"Umagang kay ganda sa tuwing kapiling ka

Kahit ikaw pa ma’y isa lang alaala

Kaya’t sana sa aking isip wag nang lumisan pa

Kundi buhay ko’y mapapariwara"